Days of Caring Free

Let's all play house and be the pets.

Did we think of Now?

Let's move from there to here... to what we want and what we need.
But always live to what we wish.

And the Rest beyond the Horizon

It wasn't clear to me back then... but every thing else is peeling away.

I can actually feel it now.

Well I may be far, but I can always feel it

My mind never seems to want to rest. the other parts of me would never disagree... never retaliate or protest. it's all one thought. one feeling. one singular, insatiable soul. between the noise and all the movement... when nothing no longer begs for attention and the immediacy of the day releases its grip, i somehow always end up lying back upon my pillows with that one endearing thought:

Something could happen. it feels like something could happen. it feels so much like the thing that i've been waiting for. i felt it then, for sure. the air... it tingled with the glowing hum of fireflies and hasn't faded since. always landing back upon my finger tips. i can still see it too; that glow, that glance, that shape, and that way it all seemed to fit with me. it hasn't let go... that dream... that more than a dream that i can't seem to let free myself. even if i could i wouldn't let it fly. unless it flew with me. it would work... i feel like it could be. i haven't been mislead or misplaced by other chances or other ways; waiting until that time to feel that glow, to feel that glance, and feel that shape... just to see if i, hopefully, maybe, finally... can fit with it.

The last bits left...

There's something about the ephemeral nature of a college apartment that prevents me from accepting it as a comfortable living space. others seem ready and willing to refer to it as home, but i can't toss it around as easily. i mean, how could it be when i just spent a purgatorial five hours increasing the time and distance between me and it? between me and my Home.

These past five years, Home has always been what i left behind. never did i pack it up and place it on my pre-planned, pre-positioned desk. i always kept it separate. confusion had to be avoided. nothing was ever good enough... to have that designation, have that aura, that fondness. and still, when the space that i have is padded and clean, when the conversations aren't awkward or forced, and when the lights that are on glow warm even when i close my eyes... i still refuse to fracture my Home and hold it with me, nested in the sheets.

I suppose i'll have to take it along eventually. to somewhere... at some time. i think i already know a good place. but first...

I've gotta get outta here.

The Other Options

Sometimes it's difficult to accept certain outcomes... even if you expected it and prepared yourself ahead of time. there's still that bit of hope - a part of you amidst the insecurities and worries of half-met expectations - that shines ever so dimly. it's hard to deny its presence... ignore its strangely appealing light, however weak and singular it may seem. somewhere in that overwhelming void exists a chance for that spec to streak, suddenly and brilliantly, across the black... leaving a trail of fire and awe and worth. but it's rare at best, to expect as much or see as much. you're only left with the hope that the light will burn long enough for a new one to arise.

I mean, most stars never have the chance to fall... only fade.

Let's find the Magic, and lose Ourselves

Sometimes, when you meet people - for the first time or simply just in passing - it's easy to default to disregard... neatly placing them into that singular moment in your life. never call upon it again. never want or see a use... for it or them.

That's not the way it is right now. not for this. not for there. not for them.

Down the stairs, on the Left...

Everything that must be done... will be.
But detours are always welcome
along the way.

Especially if they're fun.

Suddenly Familiar

A member of the Kansas Elite.

Would Never Have Imagined

It's never what you expect.

But, somehow... always what you need.

Never Too Far Away

As this moment slips by, further forward,
we look back and miss the ones and things
we left inside our shadows.
And though we turn our gaze, to the light ahead and
all its distant hope,
we know that when we move
- despite how far we seem to go -
we'll always be led
to where we stood.
And always
back to
Home.

Bliss

Is everything that we make, that we see, that we hear, that we play, that we feel... really not as magical as we thought?

Or are we the ruined ones?

And if I wanted, it could be this simple...

Someone Elsewhere

All the way from New Jersey

Who knew we would know?

I waited, hopeful for The Knight

What would we do without our dreams? without our stories and myths and tales... without our heroes and maidens and romance? ...that handsome, steadfast warrior would not ride into our lives. never rescue... never hold. maidens would not grace our eyes... never sing and dance and charm. their silhouettes would fade, their spirits would be lost... and the hope for something magical, something more than what we have, would slide swiftly from our thoughts. impossible though they are, and fantastical they may seem, they help us through our ways... never telling us what we can and cannot be.

Someone made fun of a character in a story... a character that a little girl i teach animation to loves. she grew silent... and cried to herself.

Role Playing Game...

Everyone has different facets in their life... different parts to their whole. we are patchworks of pieces that have made us, affected us, taught us, loved us, and shared us... no piece is bigger or smaller than the other. my penchant for vanilla ice cream isn't any more or less important than my refusal to log out of a game on a loss. liking one thing, doesn't disallow being some(one)thing else.

Embrace

There was a moment in my dream last night that i thought was real. i shouldn't have been dreaming about it in the first place, yet there i was... asleep and invloved... it was one of those things that you try not to think about because you're better off not to. one of those moments that reminds you of what could be, but never actually will. it was one of those dreams that, although i embrace whole-heartedly when it comes... flowing in, i bitterly regret its presence as it rushes away when my eyes involuntarily open.

Yea. it was one of those dreams...